We pray the words every week. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. If you grew up in a Christian church, you probably used to pray either forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors or forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Sins, debts, trespasses: the words mean the same thing. But I wonder if we'd pray these words each week with such ease and comfort if we were aware of what we are saying to God when we pray these words.

One of you asked me to preach on "Forgive us our sins" - what does this mean in practice? Which makes me think the Prayer of Jesus ends too soon. We should add what Jesus says after he shares this model prayer with his friends. Let's hear again what Paula just read. After Jesus gives his friends this prayer, he says, "If you forgive the faults of others, Abba God will forgive you yours. If you don't forgive others, neither will Abba God forgive you" (Matthew 6.17, The Inclusive New Testament, © Priests for Equality, Hyattsville, Maryland, 1994).

Each week, what we say in this prayer is, "Okay, God. Let's you and me look back at my life. Let's check out the ways I have dealt with the people who hurt me and angered me and let me down. Then let's look at the ways I hurt you and anger you and let you down. And I want you to deal with the ways I failed you just like I dealt with those who failed me."

So when we forgive, God forgives.

And when we say 'I won't forgive', then God says, 'Okay, if that's your choice, then I won't forgive either. After all, each week that's what you tell me. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.'

I don't think this prayer tells us God plays games with us. I think this prayer tells us that when we hold on to anger, resentment, blame, and pain, we push God away. In this prayer that we call "The Lord's Prayer" or "The Prayer of Jesus", Jesus begins it by saying, "Abba". "Abba" means Daddy. A playful, intimate name. Jews didn't call God by name because they wanted to show God their respect and awe. In this prayer, Jesus says if we live the words we pray, we can feel so close to God that God feels like a Daddy or a Mommy. So if we want God to be like a Daddy or a Mommy to us, then we have to forgive those who sin against us. If we do not forgive those who hurt us, anger us, and let us down, then God will not forgive us for the ways we choose not to show love. And that makes a space between us and God. Not forgiving moves us away from God. Not forgiving means we let resentment, rage, and hurt get between us and our Mommy God. These block us from being able to love and heal and give this world love and healing. So they block us from God. Not forgiving means we do not know God as Mommy or Daddy. If we don't forgive, God instead feels like the God who let this bad thing happen to us. So that God makes me mad. Or God is the God who wants me to forgive even though I can't do that. And that God makes me feel guilty or no good. If we don't forgive and receive that feeling of God being as close as a Mommy or Daddy, we experience God as the God who wants me to forgive this jerk who hurt me even though he has not once told me he was sorry. And that God makes me feel like there's no justice in the world. God is the one who wants me to pretend this person didn't ruin my life.

No where does God say, Don't ever get mad at me. No where in the Bible does God say, "If you get mad at me, you will wish you had never been born." No. Psalm 4 sings, "When you are angry, do not sin" (Psalm 4.4, New International Version). Anger is not a sin. Anger at God is not a sin. Anger at God comes with life in this world. It's what we do with anger that can move us into the land of sin. And it's when we hold on to the memory and pain of what others have done to us or not done to us by saying "No way will I forgive her" that we pull ourselves away from God. And that is sin. Moving ourselves away from the God who tries to get close to us. The God who wants to be called Mommy or Daddy because God sees each of us as a child God is madly in love with. When we do the hard work of forgiving, we feel the love God has for us. When we reach out to those who wrong us, we feel God reach out to us to cross over the gap we created when we hid from God in shame, fear, or anger.

So what does Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us mean in practice?

It means if I want God to feel as close to me as a Daddy or a Mommy, I need to forgive. And if I can't forgive, I need to look for help so I can do that. Or if there's no way I can forgive, then I need to ask my church to pray for God to forgive whoever or whatever has hurt me so much. This part of the prayer of Jesus means that when I do not forgive, I tell God to leave me alone. Or get lost. Which means I do not heal. And I am not close to God. And I don't let God forgive me for the ways I hold love back from others, from creation, from me. So when I refuse to forgive or refuse to do what I need to do to try to forgive, then I pull back not just from God. But from others. From creation. From me. My hurt, rage, and resentment, my feeling like a victim chokes life from me. And locks me in a cell far from the life God dreams for me. Far from the life I long for.

To forgive is not to say, "That's okay. It didn't hurt me that bad."
To forgive is not to say, "You were having a hard time. Any one would have done the same thing."
To forgive is not to say, "It could have been worse. So I'm glad you showed me some mercy."

To forgive is to say, "What you did was wrong. What you did was horrible. You should never have done that. And here is what has happened because of what you did." To forgive means talking about the cost. The damage. The scars you still bear because of the sin that was done to you.

But there's a catch. You don't talk about the cost and the damage or show your scars from this sin because you want to hurt her the way she hurt you. It's not about trying to get him to feel what you feel. To forgive in a way that will heal you, you say these things to help heal the person who hurt you. As one Christian writer says, "We forgive for the other's sake, though we too may benefit from the result. . . By forgiving, we release the [one who hurt us] from the burden of their wrongdoing" (Miroslav Volf, Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace, Zondervan Press, 2005, p. 130).

Which makes forgiveness even harder than we thought at first. We want to be free from our pain. So we forgive the one who caused it. But wanting to be free cannot be the only reason we forgive. Deep down, we want God to use us to help heal this one who has caused us so much hurt. What kind of God would ask this of us? . . .

Someone shared this story with me. That is the best sermon on what this line from the Prayer of Jesus means that I know of.

"A short time ago I came home from [a meeting] and found a letter that my wife had left for me. We have been married for thirty-three years and for twenty-nine of those years I was a practicing [addict]. While stopping [addictive behaviors] and learning to live a sober life is crucial to our recovery, repairing broken relationships can often appear to be overwhelming.

"Although this is deeply personal, I am sharing this with my wife's permission so that others may know that there is hope for damaged relationships and that healing can occur through working the Twelve Steps of recovery.
"My wife's letter appears below:
Forgiveness: to grant pardon without harboring resentment. To renounce anger or resentment against. To absolve from payment of.
How hard is it to grant pardon? Depends on the sin, huh? Suppose someone commits an injustice against you, and it is such a big injustice, in your estimation, that it has caused a huge, gaping wound in your life that you have had to heal yourself without any assistance from anyone. You have had to tend to it alone because you believe there is no one who could possibly understand what you are going through. Do you forgive the person who inflicted this pain? Or do you harbor it, and uncover the scar regularly just to remind yourself of what you have been through? Do you stroke it every so often just so you can sit there remembering the agony it has caused you because you enjoy being a martyr? What pleasure does it bring you? What are you getting from this behavior? Is it better to have this terrible pain set aside in your inner attic to be brought out and admired and tried on again and again, or would you be better off putting it out on the curb come trash day? Can you even allow it to leave you? Or has it become a familiar "friend," one who applauds you when you put on your "victim" pants? Have you come to rely on this pal of yours to agree with you when you are narrowing your eyes, licking your wounds, and hugging yourself, rocking back and forth, bearing up alone, poor you? Will you even be okay without your friend?
Well, I would like to try to let it go. I would like to try on forgiveness. I am tired of entertaining resentment. So, at the risk of sounding arrogant (which is not my intention), I would like to extend my forgiveness. I realize that you don't need it. I realize that you have moved on. But I also believe that, though you don't require it, you might like it. I am doing this for myself as well as for you. What happened to me was absolutely and completely unwarranted and unfair, but the need to punish for my pain is past now. I am tired of being victim to my resentments. And though I may look back from time to time and wish and wonder, I will not stand and stare behind me. I am committed to moving forward and starting again every day to attempt to do my part to make life better for us.
This has been a long time coming, and I am sorry for that. I needed to work through some things before I could get to this point. But I think I am there now. I no longer feel the need to make you wallow. I admire that you have risen above the need to be forgiven. I admire what you have done with yourself. And though it is the hardest thing I have ever done, I want you to know that you are completely forgiven, and I stand beside you in this recovery you have created for yourself.
At the same time, I would like you to forgive me for my contribution to our tangled issues, for I know that I am neither flawless nor blameless myself."

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

This brave woman shows us how it is done. She shows us it can be done. She shows us what miracles can happen when it is done.

Which is why Jesus tells us we have to do it. When something has happened that for a time strips us of our humanity, Jesus comes to us. And holds us. And walks with us on the path that will help us heal. So we can be human once again. So the one we forgive can be human once again. That's what forgiveness is about. Making us - and the one who hurt us - human again.

May we walk with each other and walk with Jesus until it is so. Amen.